Reclaiming My Body After Rape: Living With PTSD

  • Published on May 9, 2019
  • Fashion plays an unexpected role in this courageous tale of healing your mind and reclaiming your body.
    Organisations offering help and support for issues raised in BBC Three's Body Language films:
    Featuring: Saijal Reahal

    Director & Photographer Sindha Agha
    Producer Paulette Caletti
    Executive Producer Juliette Larthe
    Illustrator Avalon Nuovo
    Animator Louise Miller
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  • EntertainmentEntertainment

Comments • 189

  • Rebecca
    Rebecca 4 days ago

    What a brave woman for sharing her story. Your strength is inspirational.

  • Andrea Muir
    Andrea Muir 12 days ago +1

    Same happened to me carried on for a year as normal until I had a brake down ,one police women changed my life by thinking I was wasting time and drunk ,I shutdown than, thing is I'm waiting for NY brain to switch on a TV I can't control

    • Andrea Muir
      Andrea Muir 12 days ago

      I don't no why I've committed, first time may be to make what happened to me count ,we all count for some thing there I've spoke u can to, take control of your TV Brain

  • Kitten 707
    Kitten 707 Month ago +1

    I know exactly what she’s talking about, every single bit of it I know what it feels like.

  • Niamh
    Niamh Month ago


  • Treesje Bannenberg
    Treesje Bannenberg Month ago

    Victims of sexual violence #forlife.
    Offender(s) #forlife

  • Grace L
    Grace L Month ago

    rape is always the rapists fault,never ever the woman/man’s. i could be stark naked,there is never an excuse to touch me in any way.

  • Ivy Rose
    Ivy Rose 2 months ago +2

    I remember that with every rape that I have been through I've denied them. I ignored them. Until recently (I'm not 28) it's not going to go away! This breaks my heart.

  • VeevLoot
    VeevLoot 2 months ago +2

    I was wearing jeans and a knee length sweater. I was showing any skin. I wasn’t dressed scantly. It doesn’t matter what you wear. PTSD is real and I struggle daily.

  • Natalie Rozean
    Natalie Rozean 2 months ago

    I’ve been raped. ..more than once. It’s difficult to allow myself to not blame me. The first time was at a college party. I was wearing shorts a tank top and flip flops. Acceptable for a college barbecue party in the summer . It was NOT the clothes I blame. I have been blamed by everyone I’ve told simply for being at a college party. Although I was also in was my friends party. What did I expect would happen? I’ve been told that doesn’t matter. Going to a party does not mean I want to be raped.
    As a female, why must I lock myself at home, avoid a normal social life, and fear the nighttime? Why am I responsible for a man being so weak that his dick controls his life? Or so insecure he can only feel masculine if he has to beat and hold you down. Or he’s such a loser the only way he can get laid is if he drugs a woman and rapes her? RAPISTS are to blame. THEY are wrong.
    If you get shot in a drive by, no one says “That design on your shirt looked like a target, you should’ve worn all black so he didn’t get the wrong idea! “ HE FU*king SHOT ME! THATS WRONG! Not the shirt! The RAPIST IS WRONG! Not a 21 yr old at a keg party!
    Men are messing it up for themselves. What if we listened to their excuses for rape?? LMAO! They would be going to sausage fest frat parties w no women in sight. The few females that showed would wear baggy old sweatshirts and sweatpants or turtlenecks and overalls. No makeup, hair in a ponytail. Then they’d leave by 8:00. They can kiss the days of stilettos, sexy yoga pants, thigh high mini skirts and strappy, cleavage showing, cropped tank tops good bye!
    Sadly, I still question our blame in it all. WHY?While I KNOW IM 100% WRONG in thinking this..Even I must admit... If you don’t wanna get mugged, don’t walk down SKID ROW at 3am. Or...have men turned into women’s skid row?

  • Dana Myers
    Dana Myers 2 months ago +1

    This is my story. I still struggle everyday with what happened. But I'm getting better and that all I can ask of myself

  • dabzvapelord
    dabzvapelord 2 months ago +2

    love, respect and strength to these amazing women

  • Luna Luna
    Luna Luna 2 months ago +1

    6, almost 7 years later and im still recovering from my first rape. Its changed and controlled my entire life and everything that i do. This video was really well done, thank you for sharing this with us

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      Wait until your second one it will be easier, no one will probably see any fun in it now though because you’re already damaged goods

  • thou ist
    thou ist 2 months ago +4

    What this disgusting person being did to you does not define you or make you disgusting. That only defines that person as disgusting

    • thou ist
      thou ist 2 months ago +1

      Saijal Reahal it's nothing, just saying what any decent person would say

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago

      From the girl in the video, thank you for your support!

  • Bintu K
    Bintu K 2 months ago

    I AM SUBBING TO ANYBODY WHO SUBS TO ME PS liking all videos on your channel

  • Bintu K
    Bintu K 2 months ago

    I AM SUBBING TO ANYBODY WHO SUBS TO ME PS liking all videos on your channel

  • Gabby Sylva
    Gabby Sylva 2 months ago +2

    This video was very touching. It feels relieving to finally hear someone say that, no matter what, you don’t deserve to be treated like that. I was sexually assaulted by someone I thought I could trust in middle school. Till this day, I still haven’t told my family about it because I feel ashamed. I think one day, when I get the courage, I want to talk about it. There are so many things that make life difficult because of that event, I struggle with being close to guys or being in a relationship since I don’t like to be touched anywhere beyond my hands, so it would be nice to finally talk about it with my mom and try and go get some help. If anyone wants to share some advice, I’d be very grateful.

  • Lily Maie
    Lily Maie 2 months ago +5

    I was sexually abused by my father when I was 4 then when I was 16 sexually assaulted by a family friend. Eventually dropped out of school now I just stay in my room all day. About to turn 22

    • Sarah Mia
      Sarah Mia Month ago

      Martin L 🤣🤣 but no.

    • Lily Maie
      Lily Maie Month ago

      Chhavi Gupta I know thank you 🙏

    • Chhavi Gupta
      Chhavi Gupta Month ago +2

      @Lily Maie thank god. Ill pray for u lily. But just dont let urslef become too dependent on ur boyfriend. Bcus in the end u have to depend on and love urself the most.

    • Lily Maie
      Lily Maie 2 months ago +3

      Chhavi Gupta I’m doing a lot better now, I have a boyfriend and he’s very understanding and helps me through a lot.

    • Lily Maie
      Lily Maie 2 months ago +2

      Why would I lie? Tf?

  • Sohaib
    Sohaib 2 months ago +6

    Very sad, and unfortunately there is no cure from these scum bags out there.

  • Josh L
    Josh L 2 months ago +1

    I’m sorry for what’s happened to you, but be super proud of this video. It’s going to help a lot of people, and your courage is amazing.

  • ZuKO LF
    ZuKO LF 2 months ago

    Lol, multiple rape

  • artisticwhalem
    artisticwhalem 2 months ago +3

    It’s crazy that women tried not to overdressed because it can give an impression to people that they want attentions.. it’s like if i wear a skirt or fashionable earrings then it becomes “too much”. Maybe this is just my thought but this is maybe true.

    • Zain K
      Zain K 2 months ago

      I'd say it comes down to how someone is brought up. If you see parents or family members dressing say casual with long tops, no skirt not showing too much skin then youd probably follow them. We all have different views on the way we dress for example I'm a guy but I like to wear baggy jeans and a long jumper which goes past my bottom. I just feel that I know how guys like to gaze at girls from behind so don't want to be a hypocrite and dress in a way that might make girls or even some guys stare.
      As someone who's been brought up in a religious family I do wonder why some girls dress a little skimpy. I just wonder if there is any morals behind it like they just want the attention from boys or want a boyfriend. Once in my hospital there was a doctor who was walking around in a short skirt and in the staff room the lady nurses were talking about her saying a guy will only want to sleep with her rather than being with her and getting married. Sadly God gave men and I'm sure women that temptation feeling which mainly is what causes problems like rape

  • Prashant Dikshit
    Prashant Dikshit 2 months ago +1


    • Ihsan Mahroof
      Ihsan Mahroof 2 months ago +2

      It stands for post traumatic stress disorder

  • Eseercam
    Eseercam 2 months ago +1

    Reason for Rape:
    Being drunk 0%
    Revealing Clothes 0%
    Flirtations Behavior 0%
    A person can be a prostitute walking around completely naked sure that no one will attack them & that absolutely positively *DOES NOT* give someone the right to rape them!!! Let me say it for all the people in the back Rape is *NEVER* the victim's fault! It is 100% the rapist! People need to stop victim blaming & shaming!

  • Sarahi Quiroz
    Sarahi Quiroz 2 months ago

    this whole video is a representation of my story except the part when she is I believe so healing herself I have not gone pass that point yet and I it will forever be with

  • Kubera
    Kubera 2 months ago +1

    It's oke. You are strong. And thank you.

  • Rachel lizin
    Rachel lizin 2 months ago +1

    Rape will ruin your life. You're never the same after it. You have nightmares. It's just horrible. It's totally embarrassing. It makes your self esteem low smh. It changes you. It does make you blame yourself so you dress different. It's just horrible. I'm currently trying to keep from gaining weight and destroying my body but it's a struggle. It's especially hard when a rape leads to pregnancies...

  • deinemudda
    deinemudda 2 months ago +6

    medication, years of therapeutic support and a stable environment were the only solution for me. sending supportive thoughts to anybody still in the beginning of their recovery.

      UMAR GAMER 18 days ago

      I was rapped and my parents are very destructive I can do therapy but I dont have good environment can therapy work

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago

      From the girl in the video - thank you! It is nice to hear from someone who is later in their recovery. Go you!

  • emirhan as
    emirhan as 2 months ago +3

    People who witness these stiuations should not blame themselves. This may also happen to me as a man. Those must control their instinctual animal feelings. Even if we are not different from animals we should pretend... I'm so sorry on behalf of deviants.

  • Im trippin balls
    Im trippin balls 2 months ago

    Bruh you stupid you could have stopped it

  • random sonic
    random sonic 2 months ago +16

    Thank you bbc for exposing this
    no one else will

  • NBaBall3r26
    NBaBall3r26 2 months ago +62

    smh i just dont get how some men feel its ok do this w/o consent

    • hai w
      hai w 13 days ago

      @Sahand Az what do you mean?

    • suzy klitgaard
      suzy klitgaard Month ago +1

      Rape is a sexual crime designed to do one have POWER over that person.

    • Sahand Az
      Sahand Az Month ago

      NBaBall3r26 Also i don't understand why women, And girls are so submissive, We need to teach them masculinty.

  • 「ᗴᔕ」- EuroSplits Offical Clan Channel

    Raped Twice? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

  • Janet Steinman
    Janet Steinman 2 months ago +5

    You are very brave.

  • Jo Samuels Baby j
    Jo Samuels Baby j 2 months ago

    There is so much mis information and ignorance about rape, sexual assault and violence, as seen in the comments section here.
    For anyone that has been a victim of rape or sexual assault some organisations in the UK are:
    Rape Crisis
    Womens aid
    Victim Support
    The Samaritans who offer a listening ear 24/7.
    If you google any of the above their information will come up.

    Also if you are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse in the UK:
    NAPAC National Association of People Abused in Childhood
    One In Four
    The Survivors Trust
    I'm sure there are others. I hope this helps.

  • Lami Love
    Lami Love 2 months ago +4

    Sigh literally my life ...

  • Liam Matthews
    Liam Matthews 2 months ago

    What is this pussy ass shit

  • Steph Evy
    Steph Evy 2 months ago +29

    I was severely sexually assaulted at 16 by my first boyfriend. It's been 9 months since and its grip on me is still as strong. Only now, recently, I've started worrying about the way I dress. I bought a beautiful marine blue dress with white dots a few weeks ago. I was so happy about it and was excited to wear it. A few days passed by and then it suddenly hit me: "Is it maybe too short? Maybe it'll draw too much attention.. I'll wear it some other day."
    It's horrible how young people, and older, feel they have to be cautious about wearing something so normal and simple as a dress, among other pieces of clothing.

    • Hana
      Hana 2 months ago

      Saijal Reahal :)

    • Chhavi Gupta
      Chhavi Gupta 2 months ago

      @Martin L ur such an idiot.

    • Kayla Stokes
      Kayla Stokes 2 months ago +2

      @Saijal ReahalYou're welcome :) Have a great day

  • Adnan Cerimovic
    Adnan Cerimovic 2 months ago

    Men get raped too so it's not the way you as a girl or I as a boy dress, but the psychological issues those PEOPLE, man and women, have. It's not you it's them.

  • Jennifer Hanson
    Jennifer Hanson 2 months ago +35

    It's like you're describing my life too.
    I was happy, vibrant and pretty... Then I got so fat, I deliberately gained weight and stopped looking nice to be safe... But I wasn't. Predators still are there.
    So I'm going to change back too.
    I want to learn self defence and I am wiser too. I carry a weapon as well.

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      Hana Survivor? They got some love not been shot 5 times in the head

    • deinemudda
      deinemudda 2 months ago +2

      you deserve to feel pretty and feminine, in your own way.

    • Hana
      Hana 2 months ago +7

      Martin L you’re really going to comment disgusting comments under those of rape survivors? Why? What do you get out of it?

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      I heard stories bout being big boned and having underactive thyroids for being fat, this has to be the funniest and least believable 😂😂😂

  • Cait Parker
    Cait Parker 2 months ago +2

    Inspiring 💚🌿👏

  • Saijal Reahal
    Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +3

    Thank you for raising awareness on my story BBC Three. I am sharing my journey for the first time on how I am reclaiming my body here:

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago

      @Jam eelah thank you, that means a lot to me! 💚

    • Jam eelah
      Jam eelah 2 months ago +1

      Saijal Reahal You’re so brave and courageous. Thank you for sharing your story 🧡

  • Raegan Olympia
    Raegan Olympia 2 months ago +37

    I was taken advantage of someone very close to me, twice. Both happened while I was sleeping. I woke up by someone touching me. It happened when I was 12. Now, I'm 19 and everytime I was accidentally touched or brushed by my sister (who I sleep with) while sleeping my whole system will wake my body up and I will remember that moment. Every time. I hate it so much. Now, I can see that person living his life like nothing happened.

  • Alex P
    Alex P 2 months ago +2

    Stop victim shaming. Rapists are the ones with the shame . Society has to make aware of the fact that rape can happen to anybody, at any age, to any gender at any time.

  • the realist no name
    the realist no name 2 months ago +70

    My ex best friends raped me it distroyed me but im trying to stay strong it haunts me

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +7

      I am the girl in the video and I promise you, you will heal and be proud of yourself for how strong you are! If you ever need to chat I am here for you:

    • the realist no name
      the realist no name 2 months ago

      @mP thank u sm

    • mP
      mP 2 months ago +2

      you have survived...stay's not easy and now you will find it difficult to trust people...don't let it haunt you..coz you did nothing wrong...just believe one thing ..time heals everything...stay strong...

    • Eseercam
      Eseercam 2 months ago +2

      You are strong. Take it moment bu moment, day by day. Always remember It was NEVER your fault.

  • Rebecca x
    Rebecca x 2 months ago +1


  • raynarayskye
    raynarayskye 2 months ago +2

    Victim shaming

  • Angel _
    Angel _ 2 months ago +45

    PTSD is so real. I hide mine behind humor and have turned from an extrovert to an introvert. I relate to this so much. I’ll probably never heal completely as I can’t bring myself to go to therapy. I do try and see good in the world and helping others makes me happy.

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago

      @Eleanor Kipper a lovely gesture!

    • Angel _
      Angel _ 2 months ago

      Eleanor Kipper Wow. That simple statement moved me to tears. It’s nice to know there are great people out in the world. Thank you.

    • Eleanor Kipper
      Eleanor Kipper 2 months ago +2

      Angel _ if you need support or any help please reach out to me.

  • Nle
    Nle 2 months ago +8

    Sad can’t even be good person in this world gotta be evil like trump

    • George Boyer
      George Boyer 2 months ago

      All the President did is be successful. Since when is success evil?

    • dollar c.g
      dollar c.g 2 months ago

      Why is Trump evil.

  • suzy klitgaard
    suzy klitgaard 2 months ago +171

    The human body has memory. Rape is a permanent memory regardless of the therapy and healing.
    Self care is crucial for moving forward.
    PTSD is real. I have it. I talk with mine daily and tell myself...its ok today.❤

    • Dr Bitchcraft
      Dr Bitchcraft Month ago +2

      My trauma happened 3 years ago. I've developed a stutter and have memory loss. I'm "still" not over it and I get flashbacks but luckily I don't really get panic attacks anymore and stopped my meds last spring. My heart bleeds for anyone who has ptsd and I totally understand how different people recover differently.

    • suzy klitgaard
      suzy klitgaard 2 months ago +1

      @Saijal Reahal You are a beautiful human being for reaching out. You are welcome to talk with me anytime...yes...its so much better to have support through this situation. Keep being strong❤

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +3

      I am the girl in the video. Suzy, I agree - PTSD makes the human body "re-live" the memory physically and mentally. Luckily mine has calmed down through therapy and my creative outlets but everyone is different. If you need to talk and exchange tips, I am here!

    • suzy klitgaard
      suzy klitgaard 2 months ago +1


    • Jo Samuels Baby j
      Jo Samuels Baby j 2 months ago +1

      @suzy klitgaard This topic may be as you put it "talked to death", which really it isn't. Problem is the masses either don't understand the impact rape has on the survivor of the assult. Or the message about consent isn't understood generally by men. In so many parts of the world, including the Western world the blame is usually placed on the survivor. And not where it is meant to be.... on the perpretrator.

  • Mature Brain
    Mature Brain 2 months ago +63

    Rape incident like has caused me much sadness.
    Rape has become a normal matter in India.
    It gives me much sorrow😓😓😓

    • Sahand Az
      Sahand Az Month ago

      Mature Brain You are man who've gotten raped!
      Finally not a woman!

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +2

      @Mature Brain It is true but step 1 is women and men like you speaking up about it, so thank you. I found it hard to share this story, even living in the UK, because rape is still a taboo topic.

    • Mature Brain
      Mature Brain 2 months ago +1

      The rapists are not punished properly in india.

    • Annie Newbury
      Annie Newbury 2 months ago +3

      Mature Brain thank you for saying that!

  • Shahbaz channel
    Shahbaz channel 2 months ago +1


  • Facetious Times
    Facetious Times 2 months ago +126

    For some reason after being sexually assaulted by my uncle when I was 12 there after I acted like it never happened and only started to affect me later in high school and now as an adult I realize how exactly it affected me

      UMAR GAMER 18 days ago

      Wtf ur UNCLE why u didnt tell

    • Kailee ._.
      Kailee ._. 2 months ago +1

      @Regina Gebken Thank you so much!

    • Kailee ._.
      Kailee ._. 2 months ago +1

      @Saijal Reahal Thank you! I'm worried if I do anything, reach out to someone or call a line, my parents will find out and I'll be hit with the worst things possible. I'll talk to you, but I don't want to feel like I'm bothering you, my situation is complicated and probably doesn't matter anymore. But I'm really thankful that you took the time out of your day to read my problem, thank you :)

    • Kailee ._.
      Kailee ._. 2 months ago +1

      @Facetious Times Thank you, it seems impossible but I'll keep trying to get better. But I'll be cheering you on! You're very brave to reach out and get help. I just want to thank you again for responding, it's very hard to understand what's going on but it feels good to have people help me :)

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +1

      @Kailee ._. I am the girl in the video. You have done such a brave thing by reaching out for help (that took me ages to do). It is important you know you can get help even if it isn't from a loved one Go to a doctor, call a helpline, tell someone like a teacher or anyone you trust. I went to a specialist clinic in London for my therapy and it changed my life. Believe me, the future is bright and colourful. Stay strong and feel free to talk to me and see what I do to help myself.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous 2 months ago +7

    Africa has been Raped

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      And the rest of the world has caught the migrant STD

    • Big Boy
      Big Boy 2 months ago

      Dark humour...

    • Jam eelah
      Jam eelah 2 months ago

      Big Boy That’s not funny.

    • Big Boy
      Big Boy 2 months ago


  • me me
    me me 2 months ago +1

    SomeOne ToucHed my BOdy wiThouT mY pErmiSsion. Yeah that would make anyone uncomfortable. But i honestly don't get this victimization shit.tbh

    • Jam eelah
      Jam eelah 2 months ago

      me me What are you talking about?

  • Freddie Beltran
    Freddie Beltran 2 months ago +24

    I took Xanax at a park, got drunk another time at the park, both times was abused by girls and males.

    • Freddie Beltran
      Freddie Beltran 2 months ago +1

      Saijal Reahal just like normal life, I’ve learned trolls don’t serve a purpose, the more I live it up the more they get shut down!!!

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago

      @Freddie Beltran ignore the trolls. I hope you have someone to talk to if you need it.

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      Eseercam Survivor? They’ve had sex not fallen out of an airplane

    • No Name
      No Name 2 months ago

      @Eseercam oh shush do you even believe this guy, really? Lol

  • mísfîtemø xø
    mísfîtemø xø 2 months ago +85

    I've been there....I felt this in every part of my being. Stay strong💜💜💜

      UMAR GAMER 18 days ago

      How r u zNow

    • Sohaib
      Sohaib 2 months ago +1

      Martin L a woman can wear what she wants the man needs to lower his head

    • mísfîtemø xø
      mísfîtemø xø 2 months ago +1

      @Jam eelah thank u💜

    • Kayla Stokes
      Kayla Stokes 2 months ago +2

      Martin L Keep talking, your making yourself look more dumb and stupid.

  • Chhavi Gupta
    Chhavi Gupta 2 months ago +291

    This is sad. Very sad. Rape should stop in every part of the world immediately!!!!

    • Martin L
      Martin L 2 months ago

      Jo Samuels Baby j How reliable are those statistics if there’s no evidence to back it? You do realise that statistics are based on facts. Don’t lecture me on logic when when you can’t grasp what is the difference between fact and fiction and try to say it’s proof, evidence and maths don’t lie. And it just shows you how self centered those selfish women are if they don’t report a rape for investigation, if the 1 in a million rapist is allowed to carry on doing his crime

    • Saijal Reahal
      Saijal Reahal 2 months ago +2

      @Chhavi Gupta I am the girl in thr video and even I am ignoring the trolls! Thank you for your empathy and support x