We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny

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  • Published on Apr 25, 2019
  • In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on."
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Comments • 536

  • Nassim Sana
    Nassim Sana Day ago

    Amen!! Thank you!!! Every none grieved has to listen to your Ted talks🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • Sam Yeung
    Sam Yeung Day ago

    My take away: this TED talk is more about LOVE. Powerful talk

  • Laura Leiblein
    Laura Leiblein 2 days ago

    Thank you for sharing your story of hope to others. In a short 15 years lost a full term stillbirth, a husband and one of my 5 children to suicide this year amongst other tragedies. I have to be present for my other children and therefore have had to find the strength much like yourself... I pray I find the strength to one day inspire others like you. And your humor is encouraging. Thank you.....

  • Jeff C
    Jeff C 2 days ago

    "I haven't moved on, I have moved forward WITH him." Classic words!

  • Jordan Annette
    Jordan Annette 3 days ago +1

    Time doesnt help heal grief it's just not as fresh in your mind.

  • Gracia Kinyanjui
    Gracia Kinyanjui 4 days ago

    My brother in law died a week ago , loss and grief is real so sad

  • D Grace
    D Grace 5 days ago

    My 12th grade English teacher sent me this TED talk today bc she was watching TED talks for her class and this made her think of me. I lost my friend/ex-boyfriend last year in March to suicide. That I was still in love with him by the time he died I think makes this grief feel much worse still. It hit me the hardest when she said her love and grief for her former partner and her love for her current aren't opposing forces bc I've been feeling the opposite of that about relationships. That's why I'm so afraid to be with anyone else again.

  • Dana Sadik
    Dana Sadik 6 days ago

    Crezy white women licking her dead’s husbands ashes

  • Celeste Aryanna
    Celeste Aryanna 10 days ago

    This is the worst year for me. Had an argument with my brother over something really dumb didn’t want to talk to him so I blocked his number than the next weekend he dies. I hate myself for arguing with him that day and how bad I wish I could get another day to talk to him to change everything to be there for him. He passed away from fentanyl along with his girlfriend in his room. My mom found both of them in the room. Now, my mom is in a mental institution, she stopped taking her medications, and recently my grandfather passed away too along with all this. I just feel numb and I don’t know how to move forward with life, grief is the most horrible emotion feeling in the whole world. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it but I do have to move forward.

  • Myca McIntosh
    Myca McIntosh 16 days ago

    Where can o find your podcast?

  • Kasey S
    Kasey S 16 days ago

    So so good. Today’s the anniversary of my mom’s death from cancer and I needed to hear this. So inspirational that she was able to move on in a positive way while still remembering Aaron. So touching!

  • G. C.
    G. C. 18 days ago +1

    Just like all of you, I've been through some tough times.. sometimes I can be strong and other times I lose my self. One day I came across this quote and it really stuck with me and reminded that all we can do is keep on keeping on. Hope it can help someone else.
    All love ❤
    "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim"

  • gracey
    gracey 19 days ago +1

    I lost my partner 3years ago. I met this new guy opened up to him about my late partner. He said he can’t be with me.. i need to heal by myself and move on because im still attached to my dead partner. It broke me because this new guy is so special to me i opened up to him because I thought he would understand me. But I was wrong. I felt alive again with him. But yeah it’s hard to take it in and move forward again from this. One day at a time....

  • Asim Nice
    Asim Nice 20 days ago

    Loss of loved one is like amputation. Once lost it will never grow back. No your wounds will not heal, its just by time you learn to live with it.

  • Rosa Rivera
    Rosa Rivera 21 day ago

    Do you have any of these speeches for kids that have lost a parent at a young age.?

  • MrGoranPa
    MrGoranPa 21 day ago

    Hmmm. I think grief ends and has its phases. I know them very well and when it lasts more than a year something is wrong. Grief and sad memories are not the same thing! This woman seems to me hasn't complete her grief. Her new husband helped her to begin with grieving. I have a gut feeling that this won't end nice. At the end she would realise that she used his love for safety in grieving.

  • Haleah Pearl Abanales
    Haleah Pearl Abanales 23 days ago

    One of the best! 💙

  • L Cat
    L Cat 24 days ago

    Thank you

  • Herne Webber
    Herne Webber 24 days ago +1

    You devastated me with this. My husband had so many issues, then became abusive, but I miss him still. I hurt every day, and nobody seems to know, or care. I curled against my Craig when he was still warm as well. Meeting him makes me wistful as well. It was so imperfect, but ended up being the love of my life. My current husband is also widower, but we leapt too quickly. Thank you for your entire perspective.

  • Cashmere4500
    Cashmere4500 24 days ago +1

    Wow!! This is one of the best TED talks I have heard for its ability to dig below the surface of a topic we don’t understand enough about or give enough thought to.
    Incredible. And so brave.

  • Mister Domestic
    Mister Domestic 25 days ago

    Thank you

  • Svetlana Dojčilović
    Svetlana Dojčilović 25 days ago

    Thank you...

  • A.C. Fernandez
    A.C. Fernandez 26 days ago

    Thank you.

  • Don Nattress
    Don Nattress 27 days ago

    July 4 2019 is the day of my birthday but it’s also the when the worse nightmare in my life happen. My husband died in front of me in our house while we celebrating my birthday... this is the reasons why life is very short. So if you have partner in life your better half? Love him/her unconditionally because we don’t know when we gonna spend our life with him/her... I made a short video because I promise him although his gone we can still travel together even his in urns.

  • Carla Martins
    Carla Martins 28 days ago +7

    "Why would grief ever end if love never will?"
    ~ Topaz Orchid
    💓

  • Warren Pughsley
    Warren Pughsley 29 days ago

    I am on my 3rd time watching this in the last month! The first time I heard a few things, but the second time I heard much more that I needed to hear. After losing my wife of nearly 29 years it has been extremely tough, but after being a husband my entire adult like, I needed to be a husband and was blessed to find a wife. The feeling like I have not moved on was bothering me because I couldn't move on, even though it seemed like people expected me to. She was involved in every accomplishment I ever had, responsible for me wanting to become a Christian, and amazing at being a person who loved anyone and everyone the way they needed it. Now I am about to be 49 and I remember how she always felt on her last birthday of a decade, and I am having those feelings. We had a 50th birthday promise to do something big, and next May when she would be 50 I know I will be thinking about her, and when I am to next year I know I will be thinking about her, but I don't want to be disrespectful to my "current wife" like you said in this Ted Talk (definitely a title she wouldn't like). The balance of loving like this is difficult, but this definitely helps! Thanks Nora!

  • Dawn Thib
    Dawn Thib Month ago

    Best Ted Talk I've ever heard! ❤️

  • FORHEAVEN'SSAKEIDON'THAVEWIFI! DOH!

    I just paused this and will seem really shallow, but I need to say it. I LOVE HER SHOES.
    To redeem myself before watching the lecture I am just starting to recover from a major bereavement which has rocked my life to the core. In addition I thought I was being investigated for a major life limiting condition but the urgent tests keep getting messed up, cancelled, stopped as I am about to have the test. Left any longer I won't have to decide on treatment options. There will be none. Irony is the alert came from another test, whilst in hospital haemorrhaging blood internally. I'm now heading for collapse again, and just don't have the energy to fight. I just mess around in denial on RUclip. I feel like I'm already dead, just haven't noticed it yet.

  • Cod4 Wii
    Cod4 Wii Month ago

    Helpful thanks

  • Annie Sick
    Annie Sick Month ago

    This Ted Talk really was so helpful...
    I have lost 5 out of 7 people in my family of origin- and this is what I know
    Immense grief is a product of immense love
    And losing someone as close to me as my mother
    Is a scar that never heals - I just have learned to live with it. I can run my fingers along its edges and remember every feeling in the deep center but mercifully I have “move forward” (as Nora has said) from constantly being in that center.

  • Thee Divine Truth
    Thee Divine Truth Month ago

    Grief is actually a hindrance for healing because it constantly makes us feel like victims and also feeling like life is not fair

  • Norma Mathews
    Norma Mathews Month ago +2

    Big year for me too
    June 12, 2019: Mom passed away
    June 21st, 2019: Moved into my first apartment
    Sep. 7th, 2019: Im getting marred.

  • thegirlyouknow T
    thegirlyouknow T Month ago

    When my mother died of stage 4 breast cancer, I was overtaken with grief. It took me 10 years to think beyond my life with her. We were very close. I remembered the day when I finally realized, I was going to miss her for the rest of my life. I was good with it, but strangely, other's weren't. They would say things only to comfort themselves. If you've lost someone, you know what those words are. Those words have no meaning because we don't want to move on, or get over it. We're not disabled by our grief. We lost someone who we shared a life with. I remember thinking to myself about how lonely I felt in this world, that no one could come up to me and just say, "What was your mother's name?" or, "What was she like?" Instead, they used their own language to help them just enough to feel better about my loss, but not enough to commit to touching on the depth of my grief. It took 10 years to get to the point where I could look out into the world and see hurt. My friend lost her mother several years ago. I sat with her. She cried and I let her. I said her mother's name and I asked her what she loved the most about her. She cried through her words, "I loved her because she loved me." After a while, we spoke about how funny our mother's could be. Her mother's name was Conchita. My mother's name was Carolyn. They were remarkable, strong women who loved their daughters furiously. Find someone or a group of women you can talk to. Don't hide away. We have to start teaching people what grief means. Talk about your loved one. Use their name, often. Blessings

  • Rebekah Bridges-Tervydis

    I’m a fan of Nora’s for a year now.

  • Anca Popa
    Anca Popa Month ago

    Touching

  • Veronica Ohanessian

    I'm 18 now, just lost my mom. She was 50, still so beautiful and strong. She wasn't feeling well in her last days but it didn't seem urgent. My father was sleeping next to her... Ready to take her to the hospital in the morning, yet he wakes up to her dead body. He started screaming and I ran into the room, to find her cold already. I screamed for her to wake up... She didn't, she was long gone. Mom I love you so much may your soul rest in peace next to your beloved father whom you griefed on. Now I grief the both of you, my grandfather and my mom.

  • Trishwils March
    Trishwils March Month ago +1

    One of the best Ted Talks. Thank you.

  • Laura Leanne
    Laura Leanne Month ago +2

    I love this video so much. I hate when people say to me after losing my husband anything about moving on instead of moving forward.
    I love hearing other people sharing their grief journey and it is so empowering. The way she talks is exactly how it is. Thanks for sharing xo

  • Cairyn Jay
    Cairyn Jay Month ago

    Love her so much xx

  • N Lee
    N Lee Month ago

    The most wondrous thing that occurs is when people who you’d least expect or barely know during your grief suddenly step up - they GET IT. When one does finally experience tragedy and death and then understands grief, one can then step up and pay it forward for someone else.

  • Jodi VanDyk
    Jodi VanDyk Month ago

    Thank you.

  • Loren Renee
    Loren Renee Month ago

    I lost both my parents right after my son was born, my husband left for BASIC training. My cat went into biopsy and everyone I thought was a friend dumped me pretty much all at once. So I get it pretty well.

  • Black Wolf
    Black Wolf Month ago

    I lost my lover on july 23 2019. It was our 29th month, She was going travel for her check up alone. I wanted to see her off safely so I went to the pier. And she greeted me with a smile. We talked and laughed and she even wiped the sweat on my face. Kissed me and said happy 29th month. But it was just too fast, she suddenly had a cardiac arrest and fell on my arms. We rushed her to an hospital they kept on reviving her. But she never opened her eyes again. I couldn't believe it. It was too unreal but her cold body slapped me and told me this is reality. She was too young. Just 19 and im 20, and the pain is indescribable. I kneeled and begged her to wake up. And promised to marry her when she wakes up. And now, i feel grief.

  • Leslie Adams
    Leslie Adams Month ago

    Thank you for finding the words that I could not. Beautiful explanation of grief. On a very different note - what shoes are you wearing?? I want them!

  • Cindy Tao
    Cindy Tao Month ago

    He didn’t die, we broke up. But it feels like a death.

  • Lindsey Burns
    Lindsey Burns Month ago +1

    Grief is the price of love.

  • h2bizzle
    h2bizzle Month ago +1

    I really appreciate the bits of sense of humor as well. Thank you for sharing.. this was so touching and important ❤️

  • h2bizzle
    h2bizzle Month ago

    This really really helped me. I lost my mom, dad, only sibling (sister), stepfather of 25 years, my boyfriend’s mom & my grandma in 6 years (lost one a year) I feel like 1/2 a person sometimes & everyone just expects you to keep smiling & just be ok & happy- it’s hard! I feel like people only give you that week to grieve but after that, you should be on your way back to happy ol you.

  • Torrie maxwell
    Torrie maxwell Month ago

    This Ted talk was awesome. Raw, real, all around excellent. However I was so bummed when you categorized people who believe in God as, "churchy". I felt belittled. I came to Christ after my best friend of 18 year died in a car accident and a month and a half later my brother died of an overdose. It was then that God became very present in my life and gave me such comfort and peace. Please know how blessed you are and that its because of God!

  • Julie
    Julie Month ago

    Love this.

  • Hannah Lee
    Hannah Lee 2 months ago

    If grief is something you cant past, but have to live with it, does that mean I will forever have this lingering feeling of sadness that I cant get rid of ,in which will forever be a lead to my depression? Even if I start talking about it? Because it's been nearly 15 years since their death and I dont know if I learned to live with it because every time I get sad or reminded or their death, I get intensely emotional.

  • cattiegrl
    cattiegrl 2 months ago

    Thank you. I just lost my mom.a month ago peope are not patient

  • D D
    D D 2 months ago

    Moving forward is a concept I learned from Shigeki no Kyojin.

  • P W
    P W 2 months ago

    So very true!

  • Derek Li
    Derek Li 2 months ago

    she's so witty and funny

  • Lizz ES
    Lizz ES 2 months ago

    Beautiful

  • Rita Hussey
    Rita Hussey 2 months ago +4

    I learned more in losing my beautiful daughter than I did in my 70 years of life.

    • Janet Hockey
      Janet Hockey Month ago

      Rita Hussey The sad fact life goes on.

  • Saving Bee
    Saving Bee 2 months ago +1

    Im still mad about my best friend being killed in 08... Haven't had a best friend since.

    • Janet Hockey
      Janet Hockey Month ago +1

      Saving Bee Good friend is like true love. Gratitude they exist at all.

    • Larry Calloway
      Larry Calloway 2 months ago +1

      Saving Bee I’m so sorry for you . At least you had the experience of best friend . 💔😢 at 61 I have not had the experience of a best friend .

  • Julia Smith
    Julia Smith 2 months ago

    Lost our Daughter 6 years ago October 9th, 2012. It was sudden and unexplained. I’m moving forward ( with her)

  • Angie Taylor
    Angie Taylor 2 months ago

    Thank you Nora, yesterday I was missing my husband and a friend said to me, when are you going to get over that jerk? I I boldly said, hello try pulling two pieces of paper apart... Likely NEVER... And I walked away (this was right after church). I cried so hard in my car (my safe place). Thank you for affirming this one broken heart💔