Bert Kreischer The Machine 2017 I Best Stand Up Comedy Show I Comedian Ever

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  • Опубликовано: 24 авг 2017
  • ЮморЮмор

Комментарии • 445

  • Greer Johnston
    Greer Johnston 13 часов назад

    What kind of person calls his own child stupid? It's one thing to think it in despair, another to say it to the world in front of cameras. Douche bag dad.

  • RagingRohan
    RagingRohan 22 часа назад +1

    This Guy Is The Funniest Guy Ever Hands Down

  • Rahul Sg
    Rahul Sg День назад

    this is gold

  • Ian Payne
    Ian Payne День назад

    The machine story Russian mafia bad fucking ass

  • Riley Rave
    Riley Rave 2 дня назад

    i remembered when i met my wife's vigina 😂😂😂

  • DjCrustyNuggets
    DjCrustyNuggets 3 дня назад

    This man reminds me of a human version of Poe off of Kung Fu Panda

  • mohnish vishal
    mohnish vishal 3 дня назад

    Laughed so hard I puked

  • Alfred M. Hitchcock
    Alfred M. Hitchcock 4 дня назад

    Yoooo I haven't laughed so hard in months!!

  • Bobby Declue
    Bobby Declue 4 дня назад

    God damn - Bert is hilarious!

  • BootyBarraged
    BootyBarraged 5 дней назад

    the frames on this are awful

  • beatleme2
    beatleme2 5 дней назад

    I'm one of the hitch hikers who found this guy..he was fk'd into the earth ..with this prison type rape harness on.. yep, tied to this other guy... officer
    ..who am i to discriminate

  • Ashley Hathaway
    Ashley Hathaway 5 дней назад

    Jeez, Dane Cook has really let himself go.

  • Khoury Keaton
    Khoury Keaton 5 дней назад

    Holy shit watch this at 1.25 speed

  • hayden gersh
    hayden gersh 7 дней назад +2

    The john henry part was fucking funny

    • Take a chance, and ride.
      Take a chance, and ride. 6 дней назад +1

      hayden gersh for real for real that was funny as hell.👏👍👌🤘

  • Ghostly Dirty
    Ghostly Dirty 7 дней назад

    This story is only slightly relevant online because he has no shirt on.. fucking terribly bland

  • Alex Butterfield
    Alex Butterfield 8 дней назад

    49:45

  • V-Dub23
    V-Dub23 8 дней назад +2

    FUCK THAT BITCH THIS IS RUSSIA!!!

  • Gloria Fisher
    Gloria Fisher 9 дней назад +2

    I was laughing my ass off once I understood the oral sex / farting thing, but it’s legitimately sad that I’m so used to not hearing about girls having a guy go down on them as opposed to the other way around that I was very confused at first... god, I need to meet better men.

    • Take a chance, and ride.
      Take a chance, and ride. 6 дней назад

      Gloria Fisher I'ma a man and yes that was funny when he talked about that.

  • JBL NYC
    JBL NYC 9 дней назад

    Obnoxious, not funny, and disturbing to watch an unkempt, slovenly asshole without clothes with an audience who paid to see this buffoon!

  • Punk’N Donuts
    Punk’N Donuts 9 дней назад

    The part about his wife’s privates was uncomfortable af to listen to

  • KNiF_ACER
    KNiF_ACER 10 дней назад

    Just to make 420 comments

  • Fred C
    Fred C 10 дней назад +4

    Prison rape harness!! 🤣

  • Teddy Hem
    Teddy Hem 11 дней назад

    His belly represents my kind

  • rose sing
    rose sing 12 дней назад +1

    I have never laughed this much OMG I want to see more

  • ToastyTheGhost
    ToastyTheGhost 13 дней назад

    Joj

  • Benoit Cloutier
    Benoit Cloutier 14 дней назад +2

    Not mad at his top being off but I don't have the stripper pole set up YET. found it hilarious when he says that she wanted him to wear khakis because i work at Target xD

  • Ricardo Ray G.
    Ricardo Ray G. 14 дней назад +2

    Damit this dude is awesome..

  • Peter Moglia
    Peter Moglia 15 дней назад +1

    Fuck that bitch this is Russia

  • Draw your Style
    Draw your Style 16 дней назад

    "wtf are you? GERMANS??" dude..what do people think of us? man.. sauerkraut? okay...rarely but okay.... bdsm? fuck no but some like it... puttin fingers in your ass? oh come on...we dont do that..at least not while NOT jerking off..

  • shitpost central
    shitpost central 16 дней назад

    WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GERMANS

  • AtheisticConclusion
    AtheisticConclusion 16 дней назад +1

    Some ppl. Just know how to tell a story, and this guy is 1 of them.

  • Konstantinos Assimakopoulos
    Konstantinos Assimakopoulos 17 дней назад

    What exactly was so funny about the machine story? I find it disturbing that from all the jokes people think that was the funniest...

  • Jaundiced Jape
    Jaundiced Jape 17 дней назад

    You’re funny, but you’re also an unconscious culturally-indoctrinated fucking slob.

  • Hinotsuj Warrior
    Hinotsuj Warrior 19 дней назад +2

    Carrots are blowjobs! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

  • Johnnie Satcher
    Johnnie Satcher 19 дней назад

    9:49🤣🤣

  • Tyler Jaynes
    Tyler Jaynes 19 дней назад

    Am I having a fucking aneurysm or is the audio 31 flavors of fucked up

  • Sally Ride
    Sally Ride 19 дней назад

    He doesn't know about thyroid. I didn't know men could become pregnant. When is the baby due? So gross I couldn't focus on his stories. That is as far as I got. Thyroid. Yuch!

  • beastm0de7
    beastm0de7 19 дней назад

    His accent is what makes it so fucking funny lmao. FAHCKKKQ YOUUOU, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE MOOUTH, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE ASS.

  • Athena Verene
    Athena Verene 20 дней назад

    14:51 you mean screaming to the earth at 9.8 m/s/s???

    • Nate Absher
      Nate Absher 11 дней назад

      Athena Verene dude fuck you

  • Sir Figgleton
    Sir Figgleton 20 дней назад +1

    his voice helps with the jokes so much

  • Scott Wolfe
    Scott Wolfe 20 дней назад +1

    I love Russia!!

  • 24Jason Marinin
    24Jason Marinin 21 день назад

    Someone pleeeeeeeease make an animation on the machine story

  • Animal Kings
    Animal Kings 21 день назад

    ⭐⏺#👟

  • Madgerns
    Madgerns 22 дня назад

    After that ingenious plan, I come to the conclusion that Ila was NOT in the stupid class.

  • invisiblebutterfly 0
    invisiblebutterfly 0 23 дня назад +1

    "Fuck that bitch this is Russia." Is the best line I've ever heard. XD

  • Diamond Porter
    Diamond Porter 23 дня назад +2

    ONE OF THE BEST STANDUPS EVER!!!

  • The Grapist
    The Grapist 24 дня назад

    he needs to put a shirt on.

  • Mula Moes
    Mula Moes 24 дня назад

    bullshitass story

  • mazingdaddid
    mazingdaddid 24 дня назад +2

    Homochandriac!!!

  • Ken Hollis
    Ken Hollis 25 дней назад

    I wish I would have found this guy sooner. Dude's hot as hell. I would gladly be the one to introduce him to gay sex. 😈

  • Peter Liang
    Peter Liang 25 дней назад

    Thank you for making us laugh, Mr. Kreischer. I need this whenever I feel down.

  • Hypnotic
    Hypnotic 25 дней назад

    Might as well take his pants off.

    • Ken Hollis
      Ken Hollis 25 дней назад +2

      Hypnotic I wouldn't object.

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 25 дней назад

    42:28 omfg! Is this where that meme came from cause I’ve read that before

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 25 дней назад

    “How the fuck did I get off on this gay rant?!......ohh my daughters!” Sounds a fuck lot like my coworker group chat

  • x31omega
    x31omega 26 дней назад

    What the have i been watching?! Ive havent laughed this hard hell this honestly ever.!!! .. .he made ..me ...laugh ....H O N E S T L Y . #MINDBLOWN

  • Chaos Bringer
    Chaos Bringer 26 дней назад

    I love how he's describing the bear encounter and says "He rushes me with the grace of a frat boy at 5:00 AM"

  • Phê Cỏ Gaming
    Phê Cỏ Gaming 27 дней назад

    người viietj đăng vid của tây. hay

  • g355150
    g355150 29 дней назад

    This dude is HILARIOUS!

  • Naima Jeune
    Naima Jeune Месяц назад

    At 46:37 I legit inhaled my cereal and chocked I'm dying

  • isaiah bolanos
    isaiah bolanos Месяц назад

    "Fuck this face son"

  • Og Thunderstick
    Og Thunderstick Месяц назад

    The John Henry part broke me, I fucking love sarah

  • Adrian Florean
    Adrian Florean Месяц назад +6

    Bert Kreicher > Kevin Hart

  • Skate and Thrive
    Skate and Thrive Месяц назад +5

    I LOVE THIS GUY!!! Not fuck him into the Earth type of love. But still.

  • LonkTheHeroOfTim
    LonkTheHeroOfTim Месяц назад

    THE MACHINE

  • Ash Loomis
    Ash Loomis Месяц назад

    Hes gotta be the coolest dad ever

  • SchmittJ2017
    SchmittJ2017 Месяц назад

    41:20 WHEN JOHN HENRY WAS A LITTLE BABY

  • Samora S.
    Samora S. 2 месяца назад +2

    That skydiving story was funny as af

  • Beelzebub
    Beelzebub 2 месяца назад

    Me: Get in the car you little motherfucker!
    Ida: Okay then.

  • Young Chicken
    Young Chicken 2 месяца назад

    I just realized my dick is hard

  • TheIronDruid77
    TheIronDruid77 2 месяца назад +8

    Dude Russians won't hurt us....we have THE MACHINE

  • Daryl Spiewak II
    Daryl Spiewak II 2 месяца назад +1

    I've busted several thousand nuts but I've only had 2 don't touch me moments

  • spencer
    spencer 2 месяца назад

    ive never laughed so hard in my life

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 2 месяца назад

    no fucking bs. when you get married the girl accrued the mens debt. what the f is the problem.
    you stupid ass feminist. talk shit . like you the men . want to be like men. act and have all the shit like men
    then why the fuck you ask you men to pay your debt.
    you evil selfish. asshols up your ass.
    why dont you work in construction dick head and sewerage and patrol factories. scum dogs

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 2 месяца назад

    stupid f bicth. cheap c pay it yourself. cheap like pup

  • EDPS Big ass lips
    EDPS Big ass lips 2 месяца назад

    Dude the russian mafia story is the fucking best i wish there was more

  • stu booth
    stu booth 2 месяца назад +1

    I want to go to Russia now. So, uh, hi Vladimir, how bout it?

  • William H.
    William H. 2 месяца назад

    im just dying rn holy shit

  • Rammassist99
    Rammassist99 2 месяца назад

    Lol 12:39

  • Winnie Blues mate
    Winnie Blues mate 2 месяца назад +1

    After nearly 6 years of intense research, scientists have concluded that he is in fact the machine.

  • ReusStyle
    ReusStyle 2 месяца назад

    having the top off makes it unwatchable for me

  • Casper Christensen
    Casper Christensen 2 месяца назад

    Kinda looks like Parks and rek Chriss Pratt.

  • Postal Patriot556
    Postal Patriot556 2 месяца назад +2

    Me and you youngest sound like peas in a pod 😂 I lack in the book smarts department, and I doubt society can use my skills and smarts that I do have 😂

  • Reece Cooper
    Reece Cooper 2 месяца назад

    37:33

  • Thomas Michael Rogers
    Thomas Michael Rogers 2 месяца назад +1

    This guy might be funny but I just can't stand looking at him

  • Music man
    Music man 2 месяца назад

    This guy is so fucking halarius

  • TOB
    TOB 2 месяца назад

    "Give it an hour, it get's funnier" Wish that we're true for this special

  • MarkeD Gaming
    MarkeD Gaming 2 месяца назад +9

    I found my new favorite comedian

  • RacinGIRL911
    RacinGIRL911 2 месяца назад +3

    The worst part about watching him is that my stomach muscles are literally aching from laughing!! I LOVE this guy!! LOL!!!

  • Strawberry Kit-kat
    Strawberry Kit-kat 2 месяца назад +3

    only 10 min in and there are hot salty tears streaming down my face

  • DAVID MORTON
    DAVID MORTON 2 месяца назад

    didnt laugh one time... he needs to go back to construction work and beating his wife

  • Shawn Stafford
    Shawn Stafford 2 месяца назад

    The machine LMFAO 😂

  • mansour mansour
    mansour mansour 2 месяца назад

    This video made my day

  • Ee .e
    Ee .e 2 месяца назад

    please, seriously, why no t-shirt?

  • channel14卐卐whiteman
    channel14卐卐whiteman 2 месяца назад +1

    Fuck that bitch this is Russia

  • Hr1s7i
    Hr1s7i 2 месяца назад +1

    15:30 I bet this logic works with terrorist prisoners. "Is there a way for you to not cut my head off while I'm still alive?". "Nah dude" - says the terrorist - "There's an order to those things". Then the prisoner knows it's gonna happen. Gotta wonder if they appreciate the experience. It's a once in a lifetime one afterall.

  • Joshua Polenz
    Joshua Polenz 2 месяца назад +2

    ⭐️⭕️#👞

  • Jason Jacobs
    Jason Jacobs 2 месяца назад +2

    Deserves more views

  • Clayton Fields
    Clayton Fields 2 месяца назад

    Lmfao!!

  • Dinamite vlogs
    Dinamite vlogs 2 месяца назад

    Hahahahaha I need this

  • t.j pennington
    t.j pennington 2 месяца назад +2

    Never heard of this guy in my life! But holy shit I've never listened to a stand up and laughed as much as i did listening to this