Bert Kreischer The Machine 2017 I Best Stand Up Comedy Show I Comedian Ever

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Комментарии • 451

  • Ultronfist
    Ultronfist Месяц назад

    Dude I was dying at the hotel story

  • Katyaisepic
    Katyaisepic Месяц назад

    Isla is definitely the daughter of The Machine

  • Juan Colin
    Juan Colin 2 месяца назад

    R.I.P you were so funny
    Addiction sucks
    Machine 4 eva

  • Tombo Vitale
    Tombo Vitale 3 месяца назад

    He is awesome. I bet his kids n wife ate great he seems like such a funny awesome comedian n a great decent cool guy. Your awesome Bert.

  • Cameron Pritchett
    Cameron Pritchett 3 месяца назад

    I want to see a movie about the machine!!

  • Crag B
    Crag B 3 месяца назад

    Really best ever. What fuckin age are u. He laughs at his own shit jokes. Takes his shirt off as a gimmick. Hes not funny , not at all. Watch joey diez or even Rogan but this Muppet , come on. Oh and his bullshit the machine. Really the russian mob let him into there ranks. Fuck off Bert you ballon

  • Sydney Brede
    Sydney Brede 3 месяца назад

    1:05:50 🤣🤣🤣

  • Sydney Brede
    Sydney Brede 3 месяца назад

    His youngest may not be book smart but she sure as hell smart when she wants to get out of something

  • Shi Please
    Shi Please 5 месяцев назад

    He must be the best-stupid-but-super-coooool DAD I've ever watched in RUclip 🤣🤣🤣

  • Greer Johnston
    Greer Johnston 5 месяцев назад

    What kind of person calls his own child stupid? It's one thing to think it in despair, another to say it to the world in front of cameras. Douche bag dad.

  • RagingRohan
    RagingRohan 5 месяцев назад +1

    This Guy Is The Funniest Guy Ever Hands Down

  • Rahul Sg
    Rahul Sg 5 месяцев назад

    this is gold

  • Ian Payne
    Ian Payne 5 месяцев назад

    The machine story Russian mafia bad fucking ass

  • Riley the Rat
    Riley the Rat 5 месяцев назад

    i remembered when i met my wife's vigina 😂😂😂

  • DjCrustyNuggets
    DjCrustyNuggets 5 месяцев назад

    This man reminds me of a human version of Poe off of Kung Fu Panda

  • mohnish vishal
    mohnish vishal 5 месяцев назад +1

    Laughed so hard I puked

  • Alfred M. Hitchcock
    Alfred M. Hitchcock 5 месяцев назад +2

    Yoooo I haven't laughed so hard in months!!

  • Bobby Declue
    Bobby Declue 5 месяцев назад +1

    God damn - Bert is hilarious!

  • BootyBarraged
    BootyBarraged 5 месяцев назад +1

    the frames on this are awful

  • beatleme2
    beatleme2 5 месяцев назад

    I'm one of the hitch hikers who found this guy..he was fk'd into the earth ..with this prison type rape harness on.. yep, tied to this other guy... officer
    ..who am i to discriminate

  • Ashley Hathaway
    Ashley Hathaway 5 месяцев назад

    Jeez, Dane Cook has really let himself go.

  • Khoury Keaton
    Khoury Keaton 5 месяцев назад

    Holy shit watch this at 1.25 speed

  • Shrigga
    Shrigga 5 месяцев назад +2

    The john henry part was fucking funny

    • Bass Pro37
      Bass Pro37 5 месяцев назад +1

      hayden gersh for real for real that was funny as hell.👏👍👌🤘

  • Chief Captn
    Chief Captn 5 месяцев назад

    This story is only slightly relevant online because he has no shirt on.. fucking terribly bland

  • Alex Butterfield
    Alex Butterfield 5 месяцев назад

    49:45

  • V-Dub23
    V-Dub23 5 месяцев назад +2

    FUCK THAT BITCH THIS IS RUSSIA!!!

  • G. S.
    G. S. 5 месяцев назад +2

    I was laughing my ass off once I understood the oral sex / farting thing, but it’s legitimately sad that I’m so used to not hearing about girls having a guy go down on them as opposed to the other way around that I was very confused at first... god, I need to meet better men.

    • Bass Pro37
      Bass Pro37 5 месяцев назад

      Gloria Fisher I'ma a man and yes that was funny when he talked about that.

  • JBL NYC
    JBL NYC 5 месяцев назад

    Obnoxious, not funny, and disturbing to watch an unkempt, slovenly asshole without clothes with an audience who paid to see this buffoon!

  • Punk’N Donuts
    Punk’N Donuts 5 месяцев назад +1

    The part about his wife’s privates was uncomfortable af to listen to

  • KNiF_ACER
    KNiF_ACER 5 месяцев назад

    Just to make 420 comments

  • Fred C
    Fred C 5 месяцев назад +4

    Prison rape harness!! 🤣

  • Teddy Hem
    Teddy Hem 5 месяцев назад

    His belly represents my kind

  • rose sing
    rose sing 5 месяцев назад +2

    I have never laughed this much OMG I want to see more

  • ToastyTheGhost
    ToastyTheGhost 5 месяцев назад

    Joj

  • Benoit Cloutier
    Benoit Cloutier 5 месяцев назад +2

    Not mad at his top being off but I don't have the stripper pole set up YET. found it hilarious when he says that she wanted him to wear khakis because i work at Target xD

  • Ricardo Ray G.
    Ricardo Ray G. 5 месяцев назад +2

    Damit this dude is awesome..

  • Peter Moglia
    Peter Moglia 5 месяцев назад +1

    Fuck that bitch this is Russia

  • Draw your Style
    Draw your Style 5 месяцев назад

    "wtf are you? GERMANS??" dude..what do people think of us? man.. sauerkraut? okay...rarely but okay.... bdsm? fuck no but some like it... puttin fingers in your ass? oh come on...we dont do that..at least not while NOT jerking off..

  • boy1der728
    boy1der728 5 месяцев назад

    WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GERMANS

  • AtheisticConclusion
    AtheisticConclusion 5 месяцев назад +2

    Some ppl. Just know how to tell a story, and this guy is 1 of them.

  • Konstantinos Assimakopoulos
    Konstantinos Assimakopoulos 5 месяцев назад +1

    What exactly was so funny about the machine story? I find it disturbing that from all the jokes people think that was the funniest...

  • Jaundiced Jape
    Jaundiced Jape 5 месяцев назад

    You’re funny, but you’re also an unconscious culturally-indoctrinated fucking slob.

  • Justo T.Baggins
    Justo T.Baggins 5 месяцев назад +2

    Carrots are blowjobs! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

  • Johnnie Satcher
    Johnnie Satcher 5 месяцев назад

    9:49🤣🤣

  • Tyler Jaynes
    Tyler Jaynes 5 месяцев назад

    Am I having a fucking aneurysm or is the audio 31 flavors of fucked up

  • Sally Ride
    Sally Ride 5 месяцев назад

    He doesn't know about thyroid. I didn't know men could become pregnant. When is the baby due? So gross I couldn't focus on his stories. That is as far as I got. Thyroid. Yuch!

  • beastm0de7
    beastm0de7 5 месяцев назад +1

    His accent is what makes it so fucking funny lmao. FAHCKKKQ YOUUOU, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE MOOUTH, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE ASS.

  • Fugaku Uchiha
    Fugaku Uchiha 5 месяцев назад

    14:51 you mean screaming to the earth at 9.8 m/s/s???

    • Nate Absher
      Nate Absher 5 месяцев назад

      Athena Verene dude fuck you

  • Sir Figgleton
    Sir Figgleton 5 месяцев назад

    his voice helps with the jokes so much

  • Scott Wolfe
    Scott Wolfe 5 месяцев назад +1

    I love Russia!!

  • 24Jason Marinin
    24Jason Marinin 5 месяцев назад

    Someone pleeeeeeeease make an animation on the machine story

  • Animal Kings
    Animal Kings 5 месяцев назад

    ⭐⏺#👟

  • Madgerns
    Madgerns 5 месяцев назад

    After that ingenious plan, I come to the conclusion that Ila was NOT in the stupid class.

  • Bakuhoe 0
    Bakuhoe 0 5 месяцев назад +1

    "Fuck that bitch this is Russia." Is the best line I've ever heard. XD

  • Diamond Porter
    Diamond Porter 5 месяцев назад +2

    ONE OF THE BEST STANDUPS EVER!!!

  • Mula Moes
    Mula Moes 5 месяцев назад

    bullshitass story

  • mazingdaddid
    mazingdaddid 5 месяцев назад +2

    Homochandriac!!!

  • Ken Hollis
    Ken Hollis 5 месяцев назад

    I wish I would have found this guy sooner. Dude's hot as hell. I would gladly be the one to introduce him to gay sex. 😈

  • Peter Liang
    Peter Liang 5 месяцев назад

    Thank you for making us laugh, Mr. Kreischer. I need this whenever I feel down.

  • Hypnotic
    Hypnotic 5 месяцев назад

    Might as well take his pants off.

    • Ken Hollis
      Ken Hollis 5 месяцев назад +1

      Hypnotic I wouldn't object.

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 5 месяцев назад

    42:28 omfg! Is this where that meme came from cause I’ve read that before

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 5 месяцев назад

    “How the fuck did I get off on this gay rant?!......ohh my daughters!” Sounds a fuck lot like my coworker group chat

  • x31omega
    x31omega 5 месяцев назад

    What the have i been watching?! Ive havent laughed this hard hell this honestly ever.!!! .. .he made ..me ...laugh ....H O N E S T L Y . #MINDBLOWN

  • Chaos Bringer
    Chaos Bringer 5 месяцев назад

    I love how he's describing the bear encounter and says "He rushes me with the grace of a frat boy at 5:00 AM"

  • Phê Cỏ Gaming
    Phê Cỏ Gaming 6 месяцев назад

    người viietj đăng vid của tây. hay

  • g355150
    g355150 6 месяцев назад

    This dude is HILARIOUS!

  • Naima Jeune
    Naima Jeune 6 месяцев назад

    At 46:37 I legit inhaled my cereal and chocked I'm dying

  • isaiah bolanos
    isaiah bolanos 6 месяцев назад

    "Fuck this face son"

  • Og Thunderstick
    Og Thunderstick 6 месяцев назад

    The John Henry part broke me, I fucking love sarah

  • Adrian Florean
    Adrian Florean 6 месяцев назад +9

    Bert Kreicher > Kevin Hart

  • Skate and Thrive
    Skate and Thrive 6 месяцев назад +8

    I LOVE THIS GUY!!! Not fuck him into the Earth type of love. But still.

  • Ash Loomis
    Ash Loomis 6 месяцев назад

    Hes gotta be the coolest dad ever

  • UndergroundVillage
    UndergroundVillage 6 месяцев назад

    41:20 WHEN JOHN HENRY WAS A LITTLE BABY

  • Samora S.
    Samora S. 7 месяцев назад +2

    That skydiving story was funny as af

  • Beelzebub
    Beelzebub 7 месяцев назад

    Me: Get in the car you little motherfucker!
    Ida: Okay then.

  • Young Chicken
    Young Chicken 7 месяцев назад

    I just realized my dick is hard

  • TheIronDruid77
    TheIronDruid77 7 месяцев назад +12

    Dude Russians won't hurt us....we have THE MACHINE

  • Daryl Spiewak II
    Daryl Spiewak II 7 месяцев назад

    I've busted several thousand nuts but I've only had 2 don't touch me moments

  • spencer
    spencer 7 месяцев назад

    ive never laughed so hard in my life

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 7 месяцев назад

    no fucking bs. when you get married the girl accrued the mens debt. what the f is the problem.
    you stupid ass feminist. talk shit . like you the men . want to be like men. act and have all the shit like men
    then why the fuck you ask you men to pay your debt.
    you evil selfish. asshols up your ass.
    why dont you work in construction dick head and sewerage and patrol factories. scum dogs

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 7 месяцев назад

    stupid f bicth. cheap c pay it yourself. cheap like pup

  • EDPS Big ass lips
    EDPS Big ass lips 7 месяцев назад

    Dude the russian mafia story is the fucking best i wish there was more

  • stu booth
    stu booth 7 месяцев назад +1

    I want to go to Russia now. So, uh, hi Vladimir, how bout it?

  • William H.
    William H. 7 месяцев назад

    im just dying rn holy shit

  • Rammassist99
    Rammassist99 7 месяцев назад

    Lol 12:39

  • stupid faggot
    stupid faggot 7 месяцев назад +2

    After nearly 6 years of intense research, scientists have concluded that he is in fact the machine.

  • ReusStyle
    ReusStyle 7 месяцев назад +1

    having the top off makes it unwatchable for me

  • Casper Christensen
    Casper Christensen 7 месяцев назад

    Kinda looks like Parks and rek Chriss Pratt.

  • Postal Patriot556
    Postal Patriot556 7 месяцев назад +2

    Me and you youngest sound like peas in a pod 😂 I lack in the book smarts department, and I doubt society can use my skills and smarts that I do have 😂

  • Reece Cooper
    Reece Cooper 7 месяцев назад

    37:33

  • Michael Rogers
    Michael Rogers 7 месяцев назад

    This guy might be funny but I just can't stand looking at him

  • Music man
    Music man 7 месяцев назад

    This guy is so fucking halarius

  • TOB
    TOB 7 месяцев назад

    "Give it an hour, it get's funnier" Wish that we're true for this special

  • Black- Senpaii
    Black- Senpaii 7 месяцев назад +9

    I found my new favorite comedian

  • RacinGIRL911
    RacinGIRL911 7 месяцев назад +3

    The worst part about watching him is that my stomach muscles are literally aching from laughing!! I LOVE this guy!! LOL!!!

  • Strawberry Kit-kat
    Strawberry Kit-kat 7 месяцев назад +3

    only 10 min in and there are hot salty tears streaming down my face

  • DAVID MORTON
    DAVID MORTON 7 месяцев назад

    didnt laugh one time... he needs to go back to construction work and beating his wife

  • Shawn Stafford
    Shawn Stafford 7 месяцев назад

    The machine LMFAO 😂

  • mansour mansour
    mansour mansour 7 месяцев назад

    This video made my day

  • Eric
    Eric 7 месяцев назад

    please, seriously, why no t-shirt?