Bert Kreischer The Machine 2017 I Best Stand Up Comedy Show I Comedian Ever

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Комментарии • 448

  • Tombo Vitale
    Tombo Vitale 17 дней назад

    He is awesome. I bet his kids n wife ate great he seems like such a funny awesome comedian n a great decent cool guy. Your awesome Bert.

  • Cameron Pritchett
    Cameron Pritchett 17 дней назад

    I want to see a movie about the machine!!

  • Crag B
    Crag B 21 день назад

    Really best ever. What fuckin age are u. He laughs at his own shit jokes. Takes his shirt off as a gimmick. Hes not funny , not at all. Watch joey diez or even Rogan but this Muppet , come on. Oh and his bullshit the machine. Really the russian mob let him into there ranks. Fuck off Bert you ballon

  • Sydney Brede
    Sydney Brede Месяц назад

    1:05:50 🤣🤣🤣

  • Sydney Brede
    Sydney Brede Месяц назад

    His youngest may not be book smart but she sure as hell smart when she wants to get out of something

  • S Palabrica
    S Palabrica 2 месяца назад

    He must be the best-stupid-but-super-coooool DAD I've ever watched in RUclip 🤣🤣🤣

  • Greer Johnston
    Greer Johnston 2 месяца назад

    What kind of person calls his own child stupid? It's one thing to think it in despair, another to say it to the world in front of cameras. Douche bag dad.

  • RagingRohan
    RagingRohan 2 месяца назад +1

    This Guy Is The Funniest Guy Ever Hands Down

  • Rahul Sg
    Rahul Sg 2 месяца назад

    this is gold

  • Ian Payne
    Ian Payne 2 месяца назад

    The machine story Russian mafia bad fucking ass

  • Riley Rave
    Riley Rave 2 месяца назад

    i remembered when i met my wife's vigina 😂😂😂

  • DjCrustyNuggets
    DjCrustyNuggets 2 месяца назад

    This man reminds me of a human version of Poe off of Kung Fu Panda

  • mohnish vishal
    mohnish vishal 2 месяца назад +1

    Laughed so hard I puked

  • Alfred M. Hitchcock
    Alfred M. Hitchcock 2 месяца назад +1

    Yoooo I haven't laughed so hard in months!!

  • Bobby Declue
    Bobby Declue 2 месяца назад +1

    God damn - Bert is hilarious!

  • BootyBarraged
    BootyBarraged 2 месяца назад +1

    the frames on this are awful

  • beatleme2
    beatleme2 2 месяца назад

    I'm one of the hitch hikers who found this guy..he was fk'd into the earth ..with this prison type rape harness on.. yep, tied to this other guy... officer
    ..who am i to discriminate

  • Ashley Hathaway
    Ashley Hathaway 2 месяца назад

    Jeez, Dane Cook has really let himself go.

  • Khoury Keaton
    Khoury Keaton 2 месяца назад

    Holy shit watch this at 1.25 speed

  • hayden gersh
    hayden gersh 2 месяца назад +2

    The john henry part was fucking funny

    • Bass Pro37
      Bass Pro37 2 месяца назад +1

      hayden gersh for real for real that was funny as hell.👏👍👌🤘

  • Chief Captn
    Chief Captn 2 месяца назад

    This story is only slightly relevant online because he has no shirt on.. fucking terribly bland

  • Alex Butterfield
    Alex Butterfield 2 месяца назад

    49:45

  • V-Dub23
    V-Dub23 2 месяца назад +2

    FUCK THAT BITCH THIS IS RUSSIA!!!

  • G. S.
    G. S. 2 месяца назад +2

    I was laughing my ass off once I understood the oral sex / farting thing, but it’s legitimately sad that I’m so used to not hearing about girls having a guy go down on them as opposed to the other way around that I was very confused at first... god, I need to meet better men.

    • Bass Pro37
      Bass Pro37 2 месяца назад

      Gloria Fisher I'ma a man and yes that was funny when he talked about that.

  • JBL NYC
    JBL NYC 2 месяца назад

    Obnoxious, not funny, and disturbing to watch an unkempt, slovenly asshole without clothes with an audience who paid to see this buffoon!

  • Punk’N Donuts
    Punk’N Donuts 2 месяца назад +1

    The part about his wife’s privates was uncomfortable af to listen to

  • KNiF_ACER
    KNiF_ACER 2 месяца назад

    Just to make 420 comments

  • Fred C
    Fred C 2 месяца назад +4

    Prison rape harness!! 🤣

  • Teddy Hem
    Teddy Hem 2 месяца назад

    His belly represents my kind

  • rose sing
    rose sing 2 месяца назад +2

    I have never laughed this much OMG I want to see more

  • ToastyTheGhost
    ToastyTheGhost 2 месяца назад

    Joj

  • Benoit Cloutier
    Benoit Cloutier 2 месяца назад +2

    Not mad at his top being off but I don't have the stripper pole set up YET. found it hilarious when he says that she wanted him to wear khakis because i work at Target xD

  • Ricardo Ray G.
    Ricardo Ray G. 2 месяца назад +2

    Damit this dude is awesome..

  • Peter Moglia
    Peter Moglia 2 месяца назад +1

    Fuck that bitch this is Russia

  • Draw your Style
    Draw your Style 2 месяца назад

    "wtf are you? GERMANS??" dude..what do people think of us? man.. sauerkraut? okay...rarely but okay.... bdsm? fuck no but some like it... puttin fingers in your ass? oh come on...we dont do that..at least not while NOT jerking off..

  • boy1der728
    boy1der728 2 месяца назад

    WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GERMANS

  • AtheisticConclusion
    AtheisticConclusion 2 месяца назад +2

    Some ppl. Just know how to tell a story, and this guy is 1 of them.

  • Konstantinos Assimakopoulos
    Konstantinos Assimakopoulos 2 месяца назад +1

    What exactly was so funny about the machine story? I find it disturbing that from all the jokes people think that was the funniest...

  • Jaundiced Jape
    Jaundiced Jape 2 месяца назад

    You’re funny, but you’re also an unconscious culturally-indoctrinated fucking slob.

  • Hinotsuj Warrior
    Hinotsuj Warrior 2 месяца назад +2

    Carrots are blowjobs! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

  • Johnnie Satcher
    Johnnie Satcher 2 месяца назад

    9:49🤣🤣

  • Tyler Jaynes
    Tyler Jaynes 2 месяца назад

    Am I having a fucking aneurysm or is the audio 31 flavors of fucked up

  • Sally Ride
    Sally Ride 2 месяца назад

    He doesn't know about thyroid. I didn't know men could become pregnant. When is the baby due? So gross I couldn't focus on his stories. That is as far as I got. Thyroid. Yuch!

  • beastm0de7
    beastm0de7 2 месяца назад +1

    His accent is what makes it so fucking funny lmao. FAHCKKKQ YOUUOU, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE MOOUTH, WE FAHCKKQ YOU IN THE ASS.

  • Athena Verene
    Athena Verene 2 месяца назад

    14:51 you mean screaming to the earth at 9.8 m/s/s???

    • Nate Absher
      Nate Absher 2 месяца назад

      Athena Verene dude fuck you

  • Sir Figgleton
    Sir Figgleton 2 месяца назад

    his voice helps with the jokes so much

  • Scott Wolfe
    Scott Wolfe 2 месяца назад +1

    I love Russia!!

  • 24Jason Marinin
    24Jason Marinin 2 месяца назад

    Someone pleeeeeeeease make an animation on the machine story

  • Animal Kings
    Animal Kings 2 месяца назад

    ⭐⏺#👟

  • Madgerns
    Madgerns 3 месяца назад

    After that ingenious plan, I come to the conclusion that Ila was NOT in the stupid class.

  • invisiblebutterfly 0
    invisiblebutterfly 0 3 месяца назад +1

    "Fuck that bitch this is Russia." Is the best line I've ever heard. XD

  • Diamond Porter
    Diamond Porter 3 месяца назад +2

    ONE OF THE BEST STANDUPS EVER!!!

  • The Grapist
    The Grapist 3 месяца назад +1

    he needs to put a shirt on.

  • Mula Moes
    Mula Moes 3 месяца назад

    bullshitass story

  • mazingdaddid
    mazingdaddid 3 месяца назад +2

    Homochandriac!!!

  • Ken Hollis
    Ken Hollis 3 месяца назад

    I wish I would have found this guy sooner. Dude's hot as hell. I would gladly be the one to introduce him to gay sex. 😈

  • Peter Liang
    Peter Liang 3 месяца назад

    Thank you for making us laugh, Mr. Kreischer. I need this whenever I feel down.

  • Hypnotic
    Hypnotic 3 месяца назад

    Might as well take his pants off.

    • Ken Hollis
      Ken Hollis 3 месяца назад +1

      Hypnotic I wouldn't object.

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 3 месяца назад

    42:28 omfg! Is this where that meme came from cause I’ve read that before

  • Julie Newton
    Julie Newton 3 месяца назад

    “How the fuck did I get off on this gay rant?!......ohh my daughters!” Sounds a fuck lot like my coworker group chat

  • x31omega
    x31omega 3 месяца назад

    What the have i been watching?! Ive havent laughed this hard hell this honestly ever.!!! .. .he made ..me ...laugh ....H O N E S T L Y . #MINDBLOWN

  • Chaos Bringer
    Chaos Bringer 3 месяца назад

    I love how he's describing the bear encounter and says "He rushes me with the grace of a frat boy at 5:00 AM"

  • Phê Cỏ Gaming
    Phê Cỏ Gaming 3 месяца назад

    người viietj đăng vid của tây. hay

  • g355150
    g355150 3 месяца назад

    This dude is HILARIOUS!

  • Naima Jeune
    Naima Jeune 3 месяца назад

    At 46:37 I legit inhaled my cereal and chocked I'm dying

  • isaiah bolanos
    isaiah bolanos 3 месяца назад

    "Fuck this face son"

  • Og Thunderstick
    Og Thunderstick 3 месяца назад

    The John Henry part broke me, I fucking love sarah

  • Adrian Florean
    Adrian Florean 3 месяца назад +6

    Bert Kreicher > Kevin Hart

  • Skate and Thrive
    Skate and Thrive 3 месяца назад +7

    I LOVE THIS GUY!!! Not fuck him into the Earth type of love. But still.

  • Ash Loomis
    Ash Loomis 4 месяца назад

    Hes gotta be the coolest dad ever

  • SchmittJ2017
    SchmittJ2017 4 месяца назад

    41:20 WHEN JOHN HENRY WAS A LITTLE BABY

  • Samora S.
    Samora S. 4 месяца назад +2

    That skydiving story was funny as af

  • Beelzebub
    Beelzebub 4 месяца назад

    Me: Get in the car you little motherfucker!
    Ida: Okay then.

  • Young Chicken
    Young Chicken 4 месяца назад

    I just realized my dick is hard

  • TheIronDruid77
    TheIronDruid77 4 месяца назад +11

    Dude Russians won't hurt us....we have THE MACHINE

  • Daryl Spiewak II
    Daryl Spiewak II 4 месяца назад

    I've busted several thousand nuts but I've only had 2 don't touch me moments

  • spencer
    spencer 4 месяца назад

    ive never laughed so hard in my life

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 4 месяца назад

    no fucking bs. when you get married the girl accrued the mens debt. what the f is the problem.
    you stupid ass feminist. talk shit . like you the men . want to be like men. act and have all the shit like men
    then why the fuck you ask you men to pay your debt.
    you evil selfish. asshols up your ass.
    why dont you work in construction dick head and sewerage and patrol factories. scum dogs

  • crazy.funny,dumb, jerk
    crazy.funny,dumb, jerk 4 месяца назад

    stupid f bicth. cheap c pay it yourself. cheap like pup

  • EDPS Big ass lips
    EDPS Big ass lips 4 месяца назад

    Dude the russian mafia story is the fucking best i wish there was more

  • stu booth
    stu booth 4 месяца назад +1

    I want to go to Russia now. So, uh, hi Vladimir, how bout it?

  • William H.
    William H. 4 месяца назад

    im just dying rn holy shit

  • Rammassist99
    Rammassist99 4 месяца назад

    Lol 12:39

  • Winnie Blues mate
    Winnie Blues mate 4 месяца назад +2

    After nearly 6 years of intense research, scientists have concluded that he is in fact the machine.

  • ReusStyle
    ReusStyle 4 месяца назад +1

    having the top off makes it unwatchable for me

  • Casper Christensen
    Casper Christensen 4 месяца назад

    Kinda looks like Parks and rek Chriss Pratt.

  • Postal Patriot556
    Postal Patriot556 4 месяца назад +2

    Me and you youngest sound like peas in a pod 😂 I lack in the book smarts department, and I doubt society can use my skills and smarts that I do have 😂

  • Reece Cooper
    Reece Cooper 4 месяца назад

    37:33

  • Thomas Michael Rogers
    Thomas Michael Rogers 4 месяца назад

    This guy might be funny but I just can't stand looking at him

  • Music man
    Music man 4 месяца назад

    This guy is so fucking halarius

  • TOB
    TOB 4 месяца назад

    "Give it an hour, it get's funnier" Wish that we're true for this special

  • MarkeD Gaming
    MarkeD Gaming 4 месяца назад +9

    I found my new favorite comedian

  • RacinGIRL911
    RacinGIRL911 4 месяца назад +3

    The worst part about watching him is that my stomach muscles are literally aching from laughing!! I LOVE this guy!! LOL!!!

  • Strawberry Kit-kat
    Strawberry Kit-kat 4 месяца назад +3

    only 10 min in and there are hot salty tears streaming down my face

  • DAVID MORTON
    DAVID MORTON 4 месяца назад

    didnt laugh one time... he needs to go back to construction work and beating his wife

  • Shawn Stafford
    Shawn Stafford 4 месяца назад

    The machine LMFAO 😂

  • mansour mansour
    mansour mansour 4 месяца назад

    This video made my day

  • Eric
    Eric 4 месяца назад

    please, seriously, why no t-shirt?

  • channel14卐卐whiteman
    channel14卐卐whiteman 4 месяца назад +1

    Fuck that bitch this is Russia

  • Hr1s7i
    Hr1s7i 4 месяца назад +1

    15:30 I bet this logic works with terrorist prisoners. "Is there a way for you to not cut my head off while I'm still alive?". "Nah dude" - says the terrorist - "There's an order to those things". Then the prisoner knows it's gonna happen. Gotta wonder if they appreciate the experience. It's a once in a lifetime one afterall.